I am...

How are you? I just spent a nice, relaxing weekend miles away from the runaway train that is MTAS, so I bring you...

Things That Surprised Me In Amsterdam:


1) You don't have to have any involvement with drugs or the sex industry to have a good time in Amsterdam. Yeah, boring I know, but it's a really nice city. It's clean, the architecture is beautiful, there are lots of things to see & do, the restaurants are great, everyone speaks English... and there's this faint smell of something calming wherever you go...

2) The Dutch are the kings of fast food. Pancakes, waffles and best of all, fries with raw onions, ketchup & fritesaus... Meanwhile McDonalds sells the surprisingly tasty McKroket (which seems to just be a Findus Crispy Pancake in a bun).

3) It is true that at Schiphol Airport there is a fly painted onto each urinal so that you have something to aim for! (I got some strange looks checking this)

4) Despite the drugs & the fast food, and the fact that there are usually 6 lanes of traffic to contend with whenever you cross a road (car, tram & cycle lanes in both directions), your average Dutch is incredibly laid back yet can swear fluently about their boss in 4 languages - plus I didn't see an unattractive Dutch woman once (although the hen-night hags effortlessly brought down the average).



5) Walking back to the hotel, I did pass a few red-lit windows (no, I wasn't staying in a dodgy part of town, they're all over Amsterdam) and I reckon someone must be taking the piss - or maybe it's just excellent business-sense, knowing that there's a market for embarrassingly unappealing women to hand your drunken mate over to on an English stag do...

6) The bloke lied when he told me that tickets for the night time Jazz Canal Cruise always sold out - we passengers were outnumbered by the 4-piece jazz band & crew. I didn't mind - unlimited wine, cheese, olives & live Jazz on the beautifully-lit canals. Really cool.

7) I have never felt sorry for a work of art before. But in the Van Gogh Gallery, there's an amazing painting hanging in between the famous portrait of the artist's bedroom on one side and the even-more-famous "Sunflowers" on the other - but in the few minutes I was watching, not one person stopped to look at it. How sad...

8) The menu doesn't tell you everything - I didn't immediately notice that my breakfast pancake was on fire - which was nearly very messy!
(By the way, Grand Marnier burns with a transparent blue flame.)