Thursday, August 02, 2007

Maternity

TRUE STORY*

A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.

"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having the baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."

"Oh," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has narrow eyes."

"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!"

"What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."




* not a true story

8 Comments:

At August 02, 2007 5:20 PM, Blogger shubha said...

haha...that was a good one...got me laughin lik crazy.............=)
btw...isnt suman a gal's name????means a flower u kno...im rele sorry no offfence...

 
At August 02, 2007 8:58 PM, Blogger Elaine said...

Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee..........

A really good laugh that one

 
At August 02, 2007 10:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

3 woman are in the doctors office and they're all pregnant. They're talking about the sex of their future babies and the red head says “I'm having a girl cos I was on top and it’s a scientific fact that if the girl is on top the baby will be a girl.” The brunette says “I'm having a boy, I know this cos we did it missionary and it’s a scientific fact that if you do it that way, you’ll have a boy. The blonde starts to cry. The other two ask her whats wrong and she says “I'm gonna have puppies !”

Good blog btw. Im from Canada and found your blog from your music site. Too bad youre so far away would love to see you guys live.

 
At August 02, 2007 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then good news Anonymous! Pre-order the DVD now!!
I assume I get commission Suman..

 
At August 03, 2007 12:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funnily enough when I was in labour I was less concerned about my baby's parentage rather than screaming at the doctors to get me some morphine and if I didn't get it quickly enough I was going to send my husband out to find a smack dealer and get it that way. That and giving the anaesthetist a potty mouthed description of the inefficacy of entonox. Daft sod did ask during a contraction at transition. (Baby was in too much of a hurry for an epidural.)

 
At August 03, 2007 5:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Labour not labor... Spelling.
Don't sink to the level of Yanks.

 
At August 06, 2007 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm, numerous bad taste baby jokes spring to mind... ill keep them to myself and just titter like a little schoolgirl (even though i am neither little nor a girl, though i am at a school(but not my old one...)) hmmm, can you actually use two bracketts as i have just done?

would you like to know how to use the word 'and' 5 times consecutively in a sentance?

Im feeling lazy tonight. just put some lime in a pint of pub ordered alcohol for now. enjoy.

 
At August 08, 2007 11:10 AM, Blogger Suman said...

Tom

A Publican was talking to the signwriter about the sign he's made for his pub, "The Fox And Grapes":

"You haven't put enough space between the words "Fox" and "And" and "And" and "Grapes".

5 ands.

I claim my prize.

 

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